2009-09-02 Starting Over & Over Again 开始了又再开始

Today was a difficult day...... I met someone in the industry, someone who made me feel useless and small.
It happens and it has happened a lot in this crusade of a life I've had in this business I am in. I guess after getting use to it, you can handle the situation at the precise moment better but the after-effects never seem to get better.
I start to question my journey, my purpose and myself.
Who to and how many times do I have to prove myself? Why do I do this? How far have I come? Where am I going? What is the reason for all of this? Who Why How Where What? The standard questions basically.
From the first day I stepped out into society to work, it has always been the case. From modelling, going to every different country with just my portfolio, no credit card, a bit of cash and a return ticket.
From singing, living in New York, London, LA, Taiwan, Beijing/China, Singapore, Malaysia everyone knows nothing about me and it's starting all over again.
From acting, in China, Hong Kong, Taiwan & Singapore, who is this nobody coming to be the leading lady????
I do enjoy the new challenge a lot of the time but there are moments where you just feel like you hit a wall and it is in those moments that I feel small and feeble.
It was a difficult day today, here for me in Canada, but it is just one of those days.
Then I come home and got this message from a friend in Taiwan: `write more, a world will be a better place with ur voice n songs'

今天是失落的一天....我遇见了一位在这娱乐圈里的人，一个让我觉得自己没用和渺小的人。
其实这也不以为然，是常常会发生的事，在这像游乐场的生活中。我想习惯了就比较能够在那一声间处理的比较妥当，可是回味的感受还是一样的不好过。
就会开始疑问自己。到底还要相谁证明什么？为什么要走这样的路？走过的路到底有多长？要走的路到底还有多远？意义到底是什么？就一些自我寻找的基本问题。
从第一天踏入社会就是这样。
从当模特儿，去不同的国家，手中拿着自己的相片簿，口袋里没有信用开，就那一些钱和一张回返机票。
从唱歌当歌手，到纽约，伦敦，洛杉矶，台湾，北京和全中国，新加坡和马来西亚，每人知道我是谁，每一次都是全新的开始。
从演戏，在内地，香港，台湾和新加坡都会感受到`她是什么东西啊？来当我们的女一号？？？？`
我真的很享受新的挑战可是总是有一些日子会觉得自己刚撞墙而在那些时候就会觉得自己很渺小无能。
今天是失落的一天，现在在加拿大的我，可是也只是难免的这么一天。
回来后看到台湾朋友写给我的小字条：`写多一些，这世界若有你的声音和歌曲会是比较美好的`